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1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? The world is their oyster. 2010;57(1): 121-127. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. Dealing with your partner's baggage. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. Khattak AK. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Practicing polygamy as a legal permanent resident can lead to deportation, as can a criminal conviction for bigamy. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. "If it's mostly. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. An in-depth interview technique was used with probing questions to get the perception from polygamous women about their life experiences, reasons behind polygamous marriage, and what strategies were used by co-wives to deal with such relationships. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. Polygamy.com. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. The Review of Economic Studies. But after few months it was disclosed. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. The Journal of Social Psychology. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Tandler N, Petersen LE. Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. She does not have an apartment . Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. It is an option. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. 4. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. 2006; 35(1), 46-61. PostedNovember 5, 2012 Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. She stated out of sight, out of mind, She preferred the living arrangement. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. Published: 1. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". Polygamy as sort of status symbol. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. Then there are the kids. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. Stanford University Press. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. 1. Both babies were through cesarean. She had only one daughter. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. But Im his last.. Istanbul, Turkey. Ethnology. It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . "Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives - they were twins," she recalls. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. Gabe and I won't have that. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Archives of Women's Mental Health. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. They also threatened her with divorce. Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. In a previous study by the perceived advantages of polygyny included sharing house chores and child-rearing similarly in the present study most of the polygamous women were reported particularly the infertile women helped the co-wives to bring up their children as well as daily household activities. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. Second marriages are like that. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. I never expected to be a second wife. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . Being a step-parent can be a very . Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. 2014; 8-10. International Journal of Mental Health. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. A record of 26 women was collected for polygamous families through snowball sampling for the availability of co-wives. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20].